Here, I'm reading a brief excerpt from a post I wrote some time ago. The text is displayed below:
Posted by MARLINTHE2ND on FEBRUARY 11, 2018
I could not get out of my car without capturing this “moment.” I drove around for an hour, through empty streets, with only the occasional passing snowplow, fighting that valiant, but losing, battle with nature itself. The roads were treacherous, though they sounded so soft, even the feel of my car, seemed softer. I couldn’t describe exactly how I was feeling, but I needed that “moment.” It popped into my head and I had to experience it.
You see, that week was tough for me for a few reasons. Mainly, I was feeling “shackled” everywhere I turned, by comparison- judging myself by what I saw in the people around me. Finding myself wanting. I was feeling inadequate at work. My colleagues seemed to me smarter, more aware, more compassionate, more genuine, more capable, able to see the bigger picture. And in my interactions with them, I began to hear, “I don’t belong.” Was I saying that to myself? Was it being said to me? I honestly don’t know. But the reaction was strong. I was so angry, impotently angry, and there seemed to be no place to direct it. Do you know that sensation?- The heat, the trembling, the knots in your stomach, your mind throwing random, emotional reactions or responses at innocent stimuli, your breath becoming shallow as you restrain yourself because… there may be impulses to react, but this is the last place you would want to display them? I was feeling this every day."